Wednesday, June 08, 2005


My good mate Glastonbury John (who ironically lives in Topsham) and his main squeeze Heather are in a bonkers punk band called the Reoffenders. They're mighty fine whether you like your Punk classic (as in the Pistols or The Clash) or modern (as in PJ Harvey or Hole). Anyway, John has just bought a PA system for the band from some geezer in Morden via the power of eBay. Now Morden (which if you don't know it is in South West London) and Topsham (which if you don't know it is just near Exeter) are about 200 miles apart so a trip for John to pick up the PA would be around 400 miles. Not ideal. So he asked me to pick it up and keep it for him until next time he is down in the Big Smoke. Morden is only 8 miles from Chez Ports.

Obviously my saint like generosity meant that I was only too happy to help out my chums. But also I was quite curious. I have never been to Morden but it was one of the areas Ali and I had considered moving to before we realised we could stay in Barnes (fingers crossed). How glad I am that we didn't move there. I have seldom been to a more soulless, featureless and frankly boring place. It is more suburban than Surbiton and that is saying something. It's no coincidence that Morden sounds so similar to Mordor. Don't go there. It's shit.


Darren said...

They all look a bit mad. Good for them. I once worked with someone who had a friend in a band called 'Missing, Presumed Bald'. Great name.

Anonymous said...

"Don't go there. It's shit"

Laughed out loud really hard in the office. Morden is that hole my train often stops at when I'm forced to go into town.

- Ben

Ricey said...

Never a truer word spoken, what a shit hole. I used to live in Epsom & my main recollection of train journeys through Morden was that you would always pull up outside the Funeral Directors Fredk. W Paine Ltd when you stopped at the station, I thought then what a dire place it was.

Johnny Hoover said...

"They all look a bit mad" Darren. Hmm. We were trying for sophisticated. Bugger.

I think we need to reshoot promo pics with chicken suits on.

10:30 and still not dressed after a bit of a stormer of a gig that didnt end until 1am last night.

And a big thanks to MR P for liberating the PA from Morden. It will have a happier life in the leafy lanes of Devon.

Darren said...

Hey Johnny, no offence. Most of the greatest bands in history contained at least one member who is / was slightly loony. I think dressing up as a range of fruit and veg would be better than chicken outfits.