My Last Meal

I haven't been to the Doctors for about 25 years. It's a male thing. But with the little Sprocket arriving and me being about to hit 40 years old I figured it was about time to get myself registered with a Quack. Of course it was totally painless and the nurse who took my vitals was lovely. But with me being a couple of ounces over my ideal weight they wanted to check my cholesterol levels. No problem with that except they have to starve you before the blood test. So from 9:30pm until tomorrow morning I'm not allowed to eat or drink anything other than water. Most people would probably not have a problem with this. But I'm not stranger to a midnight snack or a nightcap. There is also the not insignificant chance that following the results of a cholesterol test I will be told I can only eat tofu and lettuce.

So given that terrible possibility, what should my last ever meal be? Duh! A bacon sandwich of course. Now my favorite foods in the world is mushrooms. Mushroom and bacon are a marriage made in heaven. So should I poach or grill them? Nah! Fry them in oil and butter.

Clearly the butcher has confirmed that this is pretty cool bacon.

Three slices should just about suffice for a sandwich.

Just for the vegans, I add a few tomatoes to make this a healthy dish.

Next up is a couple of thin slices of wholemeal bread with olive spread. Sadly I didn't have any of that cardboard rubbish - so it's two doorstep of farmhouse crusty white with lashings of butter.

Now this is starting to look like the perfect bacon butty. Just don't make the mistake of adding chavy ketchup. Also - the tomatoes should be side orders - putting them in the sandwich will make it too moist.

So there you have it - the perfect bacon sandwich. If I might be so bold I would recommend a chilled glass of Villa Maria Sauvignon Blanc as an accompaniment.

Why would I reveal my secret recipe for the ultimate bacon sandwich to the world? Well if you had been counting you would notice that this is the 200th post on Ports Thoughts. It's OK. You don't need to send a card.