Ports Thoughts

OK - so I'm posting this a little bit early, but knowing that quite a few people are off work over the holidays and could do with some diverting reading, this is a great list of new, often trivial but always interesting facts that were learned in 2006 as compiled by the BBC Magazine. For example; 1. In a fight between a Polar Bear and a Lion - the Polar Bear would win 2. Goths are likely to become doctors, lawyers and architects 3. The age limit for marriage in France was 15 for girls, but 18 for boys 4. A domestic cat can frighten a black bear to climb a tree. 5. Forty-one percent of English women have punched their partners 6. Cows can have regional accents 7. One third of all the cod fished in the world is consumed in the UK. 8. The egg came first The one that particularly caught my eye was " Pele has always hated his nickname ", perhaps I like it because of this quote "Being referred to by a single name - even if it is a nickname - sets him apart," he says....

It doesn't seem that long ago that Petrol (or Gas) was the dominant fuel for motor vehicles whilst Diesel was considered the inferior, dirtier and more importantly cheaper cousin. After all, Diesel is just distilled oil whilst Petrol is a much more complex chemical mix. But when I stopped to fill up the car yesterday I noticed that standard unleaded petrol is romping in at 92.4 pence per litre whilst diesel was 98.4p. What surprised me even more was that the 3rd pump which has traditionally been for Super Unleaded has now changed to Ultimate Diesel. I knew that sales of diesel vehicles has rocketed since changes in the UK Company Car taxation system and environmental concerns kicked in, I have been driving a diesel myself for the last few years and many of the old perceptions (slow, smelly, noisy) simply don't apply any more. So what I don't understand is why this increased popularity has resulted in an increase in price. Surely with a larger set of customers then competi...

The first computer game I ever got was an early version of Pong . The version I got on my 14th birthday featured both pong tennis and squash. Squash had smaller bats. I loved that game and me and my Dad whiled many an hour away pretending we were at Wimbledon. Sadly my appreciation of games went down from there. I had an Oric1 and an Oric Atmos but neither machine were particularly good for games. I saw friends get Commodore Amiga, Sinclair Spectrum and BBC Model B computers which were all better at games but I wasn't bothered. By the time we had serious games for the PC and later the Playstation, Gamecube and Xbox I kind of saw gaming as a busman's holiday since I was sitting in front of a computer all day anyway. Later generations like the PS2, Xbox360 and PS3 have not changed my mind in any way since they just seem to be the same games with better graphics at the expense of involvement and playability. However, I am so tempted by the Nintendo Wii . Despite the well docum...

I'm down with the kids. I know what teenage language they use. " Ah rite. Dem is bangin' beats is it.. " etc. Some of the music these little tykes listen to now is pretty sweet. I love Kaiser Chiefs , Kasabian and the Arctic Monkeys . However, every now and then one has to go back to the originals and by that of course I mean The Beatles . A new album has just been released called Love. Initially it could be viewed as the sound track for a new Cirque du Soleil show in Las Vegas , but after a single listen you realise that it is far more than background music for the Canadian Trampoline Monkeys. It is "fifth Beatle" George Martin revisiting some of the fab fours greatest music. Across it's 26 tracks there is the occasional disappointment, why would you take the guitar solo off "While My Guitar Gently Weeps"? but mainly it is a revelation. With his son Giles, Beatles producer Martin using only the original recording has produced an astonishing...

Now that Ali and I are expecting our first child I have discovered an interest in babies that I never expected to have. Whilst I obviously found babies cute I was certainly not interested in talking about them. Yet this weekend Ali and I joined new parents Marcus and Ellen (Holly is on the right in the Pink) in a trip to Lincolnshire to see our mutual friends Wig and Damon who have also just had a new baby (Oliver on the left). Since both the babies are only just 3 months old they don't do much except for dribbling, eating, pooping, gurgling, burping and occasionally smiling. One little grin from these little fellas makes even the iciest heart melt. In fact the smiling makes it all worth while. Except for the noise. Sweet Jesus can they belt is out! For such a small package it is astounding how many decibels they can create. And just for good measure they sound like they are being murdered. It seems my life of quiet contemplation is going to change a bit when our nipper comes alon...

Busy week. In the last 4 days I have had customer meetings in (in this order) Shrewsbury, London, Wakefield, Newcastle and Manchester. This required me driving about 1200 miles. In Australia they drive 1200 miles to get a pint of milk, but in the UK that is quite a lot., The last leg of the trip, driving from Manchester back to London, involved travelling on the M42 motorway (freeway). This was the first time that I had been on the M42 since they allowed motorists to drive on the hard shoulder when the road is congested. What a brilliant idea! The electronic signs make it very clear when you are allowed to use the shoulder and the addition of a fourth lane really mades a big difference. At 5pm the M42 is often a car park, but with the addition of the extra lane it was flowing smoothly. As I understand it, this is just an experiment to see if using the hard shoulder as an extra lane when the roads are congested is practical but based on my experience today it is a winner. I will be v...

I love a well done spoof and here is a brilliant one for us geeky types. Someone has pretended that Microsoft have acquired Mozilla and have produced a brilliant web site at MSFirefox.com to explain it. The site is packed full of in jokes ("The removal of Microsoft Firefox from your system violates international copyright law. Therefore, you cannot legally uninstall Microsoft Firefox.") and is beautifully designed. If it weren't for the subject matter you could easily believe it had come from the MS themselves. In fact if you check whois , the perpetrator has even gone as far as to register the Domain as being from Bellevue - which is Microsoft's home turf in Seattle, WA . Nice but very cheeky touch. I suspect that this site will be removed quite soon so if this sort of thing amuses you, have a look soon.

Yes it is! And not only that but the video over the Internet (or more accurately over IP) also works a treat. I've never bothered looking into things like Skype before because I'm a typical man who uses phones to arrange where to meet people rather than as a meeting place in itself. It astounds me when I hear Ali on the phone for hours on end cackling with her friends about what is in Heat Magazine or what is happening in Desperate Housewives. However, now we have a nipper on the way I though it might be a good idea to figure out how easy it was to communicate for free with friends and family around the country who may appreciate a squint at the little dude when it arrives. And I am very pleased to report that it is brilliant! Last night I was chatting with my mates Si and Sally in Lincolnshire and today I established my first video call with my mate Matt in Warrington . As you can see in the image where he appears to be pondering a a question of great significance. All for fr...

Anyone living in the UK would have done really well to miss all the adverts for the BBC's new SciFi spectacular Torchwood . This is the post watershed spin off from the family oriented Doctor Who (Torchwood is an anagram of Doctor Who). So is it any good? Well the first episode was really establishing that the Torchwood organisation was a maverick group of investigators who covertly look out for aliens and their technology under the leadership of the enigmatic Captain Jack Harkness who is an immortal alien himself. In concept it has shades of Men in Black or even Buffy. Certainly there are a glut of references to Dr Who but any young fan of the good Doctor would have rather a shock if they were to watch this. It is on after the watershed for a reason. For example the second episode is about an alien that survives by taking over a female human host and shagging men until they disappear in an orgasmic cloud of gas, kind of like when the immortals kill each other in Highlander but wi...

I'm seldom surprised by how stupid people can be. But it generally doesn't bother me too much. So what if people want to read The Sun, watch Strictly Come Dancing or dress in Burberry ? However, what does drive me incandescent with rage is the muppet's who feel the need to turn on their emergency indicators when they park their vehicles at the side of the road. I don't have a problem if it is an ambulance or any other vehicle that is responding to an emergency but it drives me mad when it is just an ordinary car or truck. Why? Well as soon as another car comes and parks behind them and obscures the offside it just looks like they are indicating to say they want to leave their parking space. Being a polite sort of fella I often stop to allow people to rejoin the carriageway and it is really galling when they don't move because they are actually just parked but felt so self important that they left their indicators on. Often because they are parked illegally. Do they ...

Last night was my mate Neil's birthday bash and he arranged for about a dozen of us to go and see the Led Zeppelin tribute band Boot-Led-Leppelin . What a cracking evening! I spent much of my late teens sitting around earnestly listening to this ludicrous, pompous type of overblown nonsense - and I have missed it. I certainly never thought I would ever see the Zep live and while these impersonators weren't perfect, with a little suspension of disbelief they were pretty close. The singers jeans were so tight you could tell his religion and the guitarists twin necked Gibson SG was authentically silly. The songs were all in place; Kashmir, Trampled Underfoot, , Whole Lotta Love, No Quarter, Since I've been Loving You amongst many others. They even managed to pull off Stairway To Heaven with a straight face - which is no mean feat. I felt like I was 16 again. Highly recommended.

While I was all caught in in the joy of my new site logo, I forgot to mention, Ali and I are having a baby :-) As befits any spawn of mine, it is due on the 1st of April. Perfect. Ali and I are chuffed to bits. We have been thinking of names but it is a bit hard because we don't know what flavour it is yet. We are currently using Herbert. Here is a picture of the little fella. Just to show any of you comedians that he hasn't got a beard yet. It's funny but the one thing that no one ever seems to complain about is the weeks when you know t'wife is "with child" but you can't tell anyone. More to the point you have to lie all the time to try and cover up. The rest of our Pub Quiz team thought that I had murdered Ali because of the increasingly lame excuses I was coming out with for her non appearance. And Ali's friends at her running club were getting increasingly concerned as she kept on feigning back ache to get out of exercises. What a relief it is n...

You may have spotted that I have been messing around with site logo and design for a bit. Well this was just killing time while I was working on the real thing. Smart eh? I bet no one will guess where I stole the idea from?

Ever been asked a really stupid question which has prompted you to suggest that the questioner might like to consult the supplied documentation? Sometimes less politely referred to as RTFM . Well I have pretty much stolen this whole post from Julian Robichaux because I thought it was so fantastic.. In the new world of the web, stupid questions should be greeted by JFGI . If you're interested, using Frak in place of the more robust alternative as in the title is stolen from the excellent new series of Battlestar Galactica

I guess any one who knows Ali and I would realise how much we love our cats. Like most mogs they sometimes do naughty things which everyone would think are cute (e.g. chasing balls of wool or breaking wind (Barney is a real wind bag). However, cute and funny as Barney and Boo are they do have one major flaw. They shit on the carpet. I know - sounds a bit harsh and possibly a bit crude - but facts are facts. The dirty little boys seem to thing it is OK to hang their butt over the side of their litter tray and "fertilize the crops". Of couse we have no crops. Only a pongy carpet. Having decided that the obvious solution was not viable (murdering cats can cause so much distress) we needed an alternative. Enter the Ferplast Magix litter tray . It is fully covered to prevent the hideous odours our furry friends are capable of producing and also has a front door to protect their privacy. Because it is their privacy that I'm worried about! Hopefully their smelly days are at an e...

One of the things which is nice about getting a bit older is seeing some things getting a little bit better. For example guitar tuners used to be horrible fiddly things with needles that only ever worked in absolute silence, whilst now you can get a fine Boss TU-2 tuner effect pedal that allows you to tune up on stage whilst a full band is playing beside you. You see - just a bit better. Another example might be cars. They just work better and a bit more comfortably than they ever used to. I guess geeky gadgets also fall into this realm. I shudder to think of my first mobile phone compared to my current slinky number which would certainly not disappoint Captain Kirk (well, except when he tried to teleport somewhere). But the thing that has had me glowing with unexpected pleasure this week is our new door bell. I kid you not. Our old door bell was so rubbish it is a bit of a mystery why we put up with it so long. You needed the ears of a hound dog to hear it any distance from the door ...

My sister Pink and hubby Stew are on holiday in Spain the lucky things. Down on the beach today they saw this amusing sign which they sent me using the miracle of MMS from their mobile phone which I was able to forward from my phone to my Google Mail account where I could attach it too this entry. Much better than waiting for them to get back and going round to their house for a slide show :-/

I like a nice cup of Joe . I particularly like a nice cup of coffee when I'm on a long drive to visit a customer and I want to ensure that I'm as alert as possible since falling asleep at the week can cause all sorts of complications ranging from carnage to a long term in prison for dangerous driving. Clearly best avoided. However, there is a catch. My car is magnificent in many respects but it does have a serious lack of cup holders. Specifically it doesn't have any. So when I get a cup of coffee from a Motorway service station I have to get a lid sealing in the contents so that it won't spill when I leverage the warp like acceleration. So good so far. Unfortunately I like my brew black so it doesn't benefit from the cooling power of milk. When such a super heated liquid is then placed in a partially sealed container, it maintains it's heat. All of this leads to the actual problem. Take away cups are designed to feel cool so that we don't burn our fingers. ...

As regular readers of this web log will realise, I'm quite an easy going chap. There aren't that many things that vex me. In fact foolish people have sometimes confused my near refusal to become annoyed with apathy. But read on in this occasianal new series of rants where I unleash the full power of my fury. First up - hotel Toilet Paper. I stay in hotels all the time as I wander the globe telling people about IBM's brilliant software from Lotus. Sometimes they are simple Holiday Inn Express's like the one I stayed in last night in the Middlands, and sometimes they are dead posh like The Hotel Versailles that I stayed in a few years ago. But they all have one thing in common. Terrible toilet paper. It is normally so thin it is virtully transparent and as course as sand paper. You need half the roll per wipe to ensure *ahem* cleaning takes place. Then they have the nerve to fold the end of the roll into a point to show what a classy establishment you are staying in. Now...

If funny pictures of cats in headphones amuse you then you will love this site. Record Store Cats I'm particularly tickled by Techno Tim and Hardcore Steve

Ali and I had been planning to visit Stonehenge this holiday but due to one thing and another, just didn't get round to it. So today was our last chance. As luck would have it Southern England was being drenched with monsoon like rain so it seemed like our visit was going to be a wash out. However, with stereotypical British optimism we decided to drive down to Wiltshire anyway and hope for the best. It rained hard all the way and by the time we were within a couple of miles of the Henge we were stuck in nose to tail traffic on the A303. Everything was beginning to look a bit bleak. However, just as we parked up the sun suddenly popped out! As can be seen from the menacing dark cloud in this photo - we really were in a small window of dry snugly niceness amidst horrible weather. Stonehenge is spectacular and English Heritage have done a brilliant job of compromising access with preservation. I have read loads of whining monkeys complaining that you can't touch the stones any m...

My frolleague Kieran sent this round. I don't normally repost jokes but I thought this was particularly well done.

Today is Ali and my 10th Anniversary of being together and 3rd Wedding Anniversary. I ain't no mug, I ensured we got married on the anniversary of us stepping out together so that I wouldn't have another date to remember. Ali got me a big book about Doctor Who . Not very romantic but waaay cool. It's called Doctor Who: The Legend Continues and covers all the Doctors and his assistants from William Hartnell to Christopher Eccelscake. Well played The Missus. For my part I'm taking her to a top Barnes restaurant for some top scoff and fine wines. My Mum and Dad very generously sent us a card and attached a few pennies with the strict instructions that they were to be spent on a "Nice Plant". So still being on holiday today, we took a turn round the local garden centre. This is the fine article (together with pot) that we came up with. I've no idea what it is but it looks nice as instructed. Thanks Mum and Dad xx.

Because I work for a software company and am a bit of a geek I install software programs a lot. In fact pretty much every day I will be installing a new build of Lotus Notes or trying out some obscure utility or program. However the arrival of my new Thinkpad has caused me to install or reinstall loads of stuff. Because we live in a world of many languages most software will give you the opportunity to specify which one you want to use. Brilliant. Sometimes they even go to the trouble of specifying different national variation in a language so for example you might be able to choose between French (Fr) for the French or French (Cn) for the French Canadians. Vive la Difference. But what makes me incandescent with rage is when the default language specified is English (US) but there are no other English options. This occurs in way too many programs. The above example is from the evil iTunes. Now don't get me wrong, I have no objection to there being a US version of English. I hav...

So I got an eMail yesterday saying that my new Thinkpad was ready for collection. One of the nice things about working for IBM is that they keep us Techies on the latest versions of hardware. Of course I'm just starting a fortnights holiday so should have ignored the mail. Yeah right! Knowing my excellent Thinkpad T40 was going to be augmented by a new T60p was too much for my geekyness to resist. My wife Ali would quite rightly have no truck with me spending a day of our holiday going to the IBM Warwick office to pick up my new hardware. But there is no way I could wait. So a cunning plan was required. How about a cultural visit to Warwick Castle. To be specific this is 1.3 miles away from the IBM offices. The perfect Geek crime :-) Since I'm using the castle as subterfuge it make sense to take a nice photo of Ali next to a cool tower. Here I am in the "Portscullis". Oh suit your self :-( ROCK THE THINKPAD! Of course this is what it is all about. Watch that data move...

Nope - I'm not talking about the guy from Baywatch who used to have a car called Kitt. The Hasselback is a way of preparing a potato. Witness the majesty. Until last weekend I hadn't even heard of this magnificent roast spud. My mate Si told me how to do it. Just to take you through the details, here we see the bottom, then the top and finally the a side view. The secret of this top tuber is that the top is sliced through to about 2/3 of the depth of the potato. And that is pretty much it. Drizzle melted butter on them to ensure that they are crispy perfection after about 70 minutes at gas mark 7. Why are they better than "ordinary" roasters? Firstly because they are much crunchier and yet still as creamy in the middle. And secondly because they are a little bit different. Some over the top chefs recommend that you should use Parmesan cheese for the last few minutes - but I think that is bonkers if you are having roast beef or chicken! Just slice and roast. Oh, and be...

Whenever Ali is driving her red VW Polo too fast I cry "Easy Jensen!" to remind her that she isn't a Formula One driver and she isn't driving in a Grand Prix. Not very original or particularly funny but it makes me chuckle. However, unlike previous British F1 drivers like Lantern jawed David Coulthard and miserable excuse monkey Damon Hill, Jensen had never actually won a race. I haven't been following F1 too closely this season because very often Ali and I are out on a Sunday, so I often just catch the highlights (with the obvious exception of my trip to the 2006 British Grand Prix ). However, Yesterday Ali had popped over to see her Dad and I was at a bit of a lose end so I popped the TV on to find it was the beginning of the Hungarian GP. I had not heard any of the lead up so was very depressed to find out that Jensen was starting 14th after losing 10 places for changing his engine. I almost turned off then thinking there wasn't much interest for me if Mr B...

Well actually - Happy Birthday to Barney and Boo. It really doesn't seem like 10 months since the little fellas joined our family. Today is their 1st birthday. The main change is that they are no longer little and cute like they were in October... They are large and cute (and lazy)... Over the last year Boo, despite being about half Barneys size, has shown himself to be top cat. He wears the furry trousers in that relationship. Boo is also by far the most adventurous. He is always the first one to climb a tree, catch an insect or jump on Ali or I for a cuddle. Barney just trundles on behind looking handsome. We have decided that Tabby is the precise cat equivalence to Blonde. Anyway - happy birthday boys. No more kitten food for you.

Our top mates Si and Sally have moved from Boston to the little Lincolnshire village of Heckington. They have got a little cottage with a big garden for our God daughter Millie to play in. Ali and I popped up to see their new house this weekend and as luck would have it our visit coincided with the Heckington Agricultural Show which they claim is the largest village show in the country. It was like being in The Archers . Largest leek contests and displays of Falconry, sheep shearing demonstrations and the local farrier showing how to shoe a horse. Fascinating - especially for 5 year old Millie. Simon was more bothered about how good he looked. After the copious tractors, tug of war, Sealed Knotters , show jumping and stalls the obviously centre piece of any agricultural show is a trip to the beer tent. Millie sat quietly on her Uncle Ports' lap and didn't draw attention to herself at all. Later on, back at the ranch, Millie persuaded Sally that is was a good idea to have sparkl...

Last week I met up with a whole group of frollegues at the annual IT Specialists Institute in Nottingham. It is a chance for a load of IBM propeller heads and geek types to come together and "network". The idea is to speak with folks who work outside your usual sphere of interest to broaden your horizons and expand your mind. As a result they employ every trick in the book to try and get people talking. This obviously starts with opening a bar to get the social barriers down and then following that with giant games like Jenga and Connect four. It isn't as lame as it sounds. Anyone who has been on any kind of teaming event will recognise the next trick. After dinner, an envelope of "bits and pieces" was left on each of the 20 tables. Instruction on the envelope showed that the aim was for all the people on the table to work together to construct a self propelled floating vessel. Of course everyone on our table cynically mocked this task until it became apparent t...

Well after the problems of Wednesday when my car seemed very poorly, you can imagine how happy I was to be accelerating down the motorway back from Liverpool at 90 70 mph. No longer were hills causing the car to slow down to 45mph and all an sundry were passing in my wake like when the Millennium Falcon enters hyperdrive. The only problem was that I was in a Vauxhall Astra whilst my beloved BMW was sitting embarrassed on a tow truck being returned to Heathrow. My previous unmitigated praise for HR Owen might have been a little bit premature. By the time I had got to the customers in Liverpool the Beemer was struggling to even manage 25mph. It was clearly on the way out. The AA man who turned up was very friendly but when he plugged his box of tricks into the car it reported that there were no faults. Clearly it was lying. So there was no option but to arrange a hire car to get me home. Given that the trip back from Liverpool is around 220 miles I was hoping for something equivalent t...

Just lately my car has felt as bit under powered. It's very difficult to be sure though. It can still manage to cruse along the motorway at a bit over the speed limit so it clearly isn't a major problem, but I have found myself being out accelerated by cars which I would not expect my 2 litre turbo diesel to be left standing by. I'm talking Nissan Micra's and VW Polo's. Anyway, I wasn't too worried because the ol' jalopy was due for a 36,000 mile service and I hoped that this would sort out my embarrassing little problem. I have been using the BMW Heathrow (HR Owen) for servicing for over 10 years and they absolutely rule. Not only have they never put a foot wrong in terms of the standard of their servicing but they also pick up the car from work and drop it back before the end of the day - so no queueing or waiting for me. They also wash the car AND valet the interior. If they would only put the car seat back in the position I left it before they took it t...

I have been up in Scotland this week spending a couple a days visiting some of our Lotus customers. I've been to Glasgow loads of times in the past and pretty much every time I have been their it has been drab, grey and washed in a miserable mist of drizzle. Because of this it has always impressed me how warm and friendly Glaswegian folks are in the face of such a cruel environment. Don't get me wrong, they are perfectly happy to have a pop at me for being a filthy sasanach but it is always with a wink and an offer for me to buy them a pint ;-) So what a revelation this week has been! Along with the rest of Blighty the temperature has been a bit tasty but in Glasgow it was 29 degrees. To put that in perspective I'm told 30 degrees has never been recorded in Glasgow ever! So on Monday night my frollegue Simon, who has been on this Scottish tour together with me, and I were sitting out side in an Italian restaurant off Buchanan Street at 10:30pm in our T-shirts. In Glasgow!...

So I was visiting an IBM Lotus Domino customer in Wales today. I won't go into the details of how much they love Domino and consider the competition to be initially slick but lacking in real enterprize deliverables. Because what I wanted to comment on is actually about the return of my Tom Tom One Satalite Navigation system. My poor TomTom went wrong a couple of weeks ago and to put it mildly I have missed my little navigational friend whilst it was off being repaired. However, I didn't expect this journey to Wales to overly stressfull since the trip basically involved travelling down the M4 from London until just before Cardiff. But a few miles into the journey the radio started reporting that the M4 was closed between Junction 18 and 19 because of a lorry fire. Doh! Obviously I'm going to be late for my meeting. Not at all - at junction 17 I told the TomTom that I wanted to avoid the M4 and low and behold it charted me a new route that missed all the trouble. Welcome hom...

I've never seen the Reoffenders before but my friends Glastonbury Jon and Heather are the singers and they have modestly told me that they are very good. Glastonbury Jon and I used to work together about 15 years ago when we both lived in Hull and we used to write depressing folk songs and play them at The New Adelphi Club amongst other places. Jon used to tell me that he used to be a Punk and used to play in a punk band when he was younger. I never believed him. He programmed computers. So I was totally surprised that at the tender age of forty something he has started a new punk band, but more specifically, that they are really great! Ali and I travelled down to Devon this weekend where Jon and Heather live for the gig (I must stop calling him Glastonbury Jon - it is heroically inaccurate these days). It was a great weekend with great weather, great company, lovely location (Topsham if you fancy a nice historic village), great beer and wine. On the downside - terribly un punk v...

Fantastic news. My sister in law Niki has given birth to Nathan Hugh. He's a little boy. Obviously. Niki sent a camera phone picture of the liddle fella to Ali and this is more or less what he looks like. Like all little sprouts. Without the bow tie. Obviously. For some reason it is the form to mention his weight, which was 8 pounds. Like wise, mentioning that mother and baby are doing well seems to be the done thing. They are back home now. Hurrah! So good luck little Nephew dude - over time you will realise how lucky you are to have such an excellent and cool Uncle. And your Aunty Ali is already plotting how to spoil you. Expect to be cuddled :-)

Hey - I'm no hippy. If you commit a crime then you have to be prepared to do the time. So when I was photographed by a sneaky camera van on the M4 in Wales doing 93 miles per hour 3 years ago I didn't complain about it, I forked over the £60 and took the 3 points on my license. I was in the wrong and I admitted it. If anything I was fortunate because I subsequently learned that if you are caught doing over 95mph then it is an instant ban. Having those 3 points elapse off my license allowing it to return to its previously unblemished state was most gratifying a couple of months ago. So imagine my chagrin this morning when a new speeding fine presented itself in my post box! Had I once more been hurtling along the Queens highway like Jenson Button? Had I been throwing caution to the wind and catapulting myself as if I had no fear? No. I was travelling at 53 miles per hour on a nearly empty M6. Now I know in America 55 mph is considered pretty racy, but here in Blighty that is vir...

A little while ago I mentioned that AWT's Barnes Grill had opened and that we were going to try it out due to the inducement of a free glass of plonk each. Well last week Ali offered to take me there as a treat. To get the obvious over with, the food was superb. Ali braved steak tartar for her starter. She said it tasted a bit like pate. I had prawns which were very nice. Obviously since it was a grill restaurant it was steaks all round for the main course. Ali' s filet was so tender it was almost like slicing through butter and my sirloin was just as good. The main meals were very filling and neither of us finished the enormous side order of home made thick cut chips. Not being a pudding man I opted for an Irish Coffee whilst Ali opted for Creme Brule which turned out to be the only culinary disappointment. Whilst it tasted fine it did not have the crisp top which is clearly mandatory. Tsk Flump. Must try harder. The said flump was not in attendance but had he bothered to...

So as promised a few posts ago, we held the first Barnes International Table Tournament yesterday to coincide with Ali's birthday. A few beers and a BBQ made sure that the atmosphere was spot on. Obviously the huge crowd of 12 people were waiting for the singles but we had the doubles first and Mr and Mrs Ports triumphed over a woefully poor Pink and Dawn. After some tight matches in the early rounds the final was set. Marcus features a near oriental level of ping pong skill when it comes to fiendishly spinning of the ball but he hasn't really played seriously since leaving school so he needed to get his eye back in. Ligntning Tom doesn't have Marcus' technique but certainly has youth on his side not to mention extra length gangly limbs that can almost reach the other side of the table. But despite being as lithe as a gazelle, Lightning Tom was no match for Marcus' guile and spinning technique. So proud Marcus wins the prize which in this case is a couple of inflata...